Who says romance is dead?

I do.

The End.



I tried to take a bath last night. A wonderful, bubbly, candlelit bath. I had heard somewhere (movies, TV, books, etc.) that baths are awesome and oh-so refreshing. They were wrong. Baths are for girls in romance novels named Arabellina Rosemariella Blahblahblah. Not for girls who almost set themselves on fire three times, and who overfill the bathtub with bubbles so that they fall over the side. Arabellietta or whatever wouldn't get BORED midway through her intoxicating and refreshing break from reality (partly because Tristaneduartonio or whoever would be helping her bathe, I suppose). She definitely wouldn't try to shake the bubbles off of her hands and get bubblestuff in her eyes. It was so annoying! And to top it all off, I still had to take a damn shower at the end of it all to get the stupid bubblestuff off. No wonder my mom never wanted to let me take bubble baths as a kid. The tub was a wreck when I was finished (the candles were all bubbly too, which I'm sure is totally fire-friendly), which was especially offputting because I'd had to clean it before I took the damn bath. Grr.

I'm on break at work right now, and I have a really bad headache. It's one of those "ha ha you're about to get sick with the flu or the plague or something" headaches. Grrreat. I don't even feel like posting anymore. Last night, when I was really mad about my lame bath, I was all about posting. But my computer was already shut down. I'm sorry but it's just too much effort to go into my hot as hell study (it has no ceiling fan) and start that thing up again. This is why I need a laptop. Right? Right.

Ooooh, something happy: Went antiquing on Saturday. I found some really awesome stuff. I got a cedar hope chest and a secretary desk. I also got a really old typewriter to decorate said writing desk. Yay. :)

That's all folks.
~L.

"Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who
do."

"Ninety percent of zombie-related fatalities occur in the home."

So, I'm not so crazy, am I? And everyone told me that my Zombie Phobia (for lack of a better, official name--yet) was an "irrational fear." Pshaw. The undead shall totally inherit the earth.

Seriously though, I really shouldn't be allowed to watch movies like the "Dawn of the Dead" remake. That movie scared the bejesus outta me. That scene in the very beginning? Where the couple is lying in bed and Zombie Girl comes flying at him and bites the crap out of his neck? Oh mah god. I had nightmares for like a month. In honor of Zombie Awareness Week* I'd like to take this opportunity to list some of my other (completely rational, but in no particular order) fears:

-Another Barbra Streisand "farewell" concert. Shudder.
-Plagues that start off as the flu
-Jewel's teeth
-Cujo
-Actually, come to think of it, plagues that start off at all
-Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's lovechild (it will be so perfect and beautiful, our eyes will burst forth from our skulls, and I really hate it when that happens)
-Being sucked away from the earth a la "The Forgotten"
-Bush Jr. getting a third term
-The Govenator being allowed to run for President-enator
-LASIK eye surgery
-Pet cemeteries (did you see that movie, friggin scary as hell)
-The repeal of the Roe vs. Wade decision, which should be happening any day now, I'm sure, followed closely by the removal of the "dinosaur" chapter in every public school textbook and a law forbidding any and all mentions of the Big Bang and Charles Darwin. Anywhere. Ever.
-"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" reruns on Nick at Nite (In other words: aging. I don't wanna get old. I might die faster. Unless the zombie horde attacks in 2007, as predicted, in which case I'll be undead.**)
-The Nelson Reunion Tour
-Flav and Brigitte. Doing anything. At all. (My eyes! Oh god... They burn! This hurts worse than my imaginary botched LASIK surgery!)
-Bugs. Specifically roaches, spiders, and anything of the bee/wasp family
-Sharks
-Necrotizing fasciitis, because it's so totally "pre-zombiism," check it out:

(Borrowed from WebMD.com--which is my free doctor-substitute right now--in the interest of public safety):

"Necrotizing fasciitis most commonly affects extremities, particularly the legs, but can affect any part of the body.

The most common early symptoms include:
-Sudden, severe pain in the affected area.
-Fever, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, and other flulike symptoms.
-Redness, heat, swelling, or fluid-filled blisters in the skin over the affected area. If the infection is deep in the tissue, these signs of inflammation may not develop right away. (Come on! These three symptoms happen in every movie featuring those of the undead persuasion!)

Later symptoms may include:
-Signs of shock (including confusion, fainting, or dizziness), which are often made worse when you rise from a sitting or reclining position (from the grave perhaps? or maybe from where you died in the street after your own zombie bite?) . These symptoms are caused by a drop in blood pressure (because it's no longer flowing).
-Scaling, peeling, or discolored skin over the affected area, which are signs of tissue death, zombiism, or gangrene.
-An uncontrollable hunger for human flesh and brains."

Oh my god. Even WebMD agrees! I need to board up the house. I refuse to sit around and wait to be zombie food!

~L. (and no, I wouldn't let you in the house like that overly nice but clearly insane guy and his daughter did in "28 Days Later." That guy was a moron.)

Kenneth: Is everyone there dead?
Steve: Well, dead-ish.
Kenneth: Is everyone there dead?
Steve: Yeah, in the sense that they all sort of, uh... fell down... and
then got up... and started eating each other.

~"Dawn of the Dead" (2004)

*There is no such thing as Zombie Awareness Week (yet). But you could prevent a potential attack by going here: http://www.loris.net/zombie/

**So, no one's actually "predicted" a zombie horde attack. But I'm sure Nostradamus thought about it happening. He just didn't have a name for it back then...

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

On my way to work yesterday, I saw a stuffed Pooh bear on the 408 off ramp. His neck was sliced wide open, and he was obviously not having a great day. I got a little bit weepy thinking about the poor little girl or boy who had dropped him (I'm guessing accidentally out of the car window because I refuse to believe someone would kill Pooh on purpose).

And, yes, I was one of those creepy little girls who always swore her stuffed animals had feelings.

Bite me.

Anyway, it made me really sad, and today on my way in, I saw just his head. Pooh's head! Before, he was in the middle of the off ramp, and I wanted to move him to the side at least because I knew what would happen if he was hit repeatedly. Sure enough, only his head remained.

By the way, this is so not sadder than if it were a previously alive animal. I'm not making light of it. I actually can't even look at or think about a real animal in a similar situation. I try to detach myself from it as best I can. I can't detach from Pooh though...

I tried to start writing a story I've had in my head for a few weeks now. I couldn't fall asleep last night (or early this morning, however you wish to look at it), so I just started writing. I got to that inevitable part in the story where actual characters appear and I froze. I've just never mastered the whole dialogue thing. I would really like to take some workshops or be part of a writing group or something. I think it could help. I also have difficulties keeping my tenses and points of view all aligned. "But other than that I'm a great writer. Promise."

I guess I should just keep writing whatever comes to mind. I can't let this whole "don't know what I'm doing" thing get in the way. Would the Wright brothers have finished their plane thingee if they'd had that bad attitude? "I'm not perfect at this so I don't wanna do it nyah nyah boo boo." I don't think so.

~Lisa

(Beware, I'm posting without editing. Gasp!)

"I doubt, therefore I might be. "

Marking my new territory, much like a shih-tzu would. (It's just fun to say, y'know? Sheeetzoo...)

So I'm going to try this whole blogging thing again. Maybe I'll actually keep up with it this time.

Then again, probably not. But it will totally be fun while it lasts, right? Party on, Wayne.

So until I can figure out how to edit some the profile thingee, I'll introduce myself right here. Hi, I'm Lisa, and I'm a talkaholic. It's a problem I deal with daily. I know I'll never be "cured," but hopefully, with yours and this blog's help, I can fit into conventional society again. I lack that chip in your brain that tells you when not to say certain things. It also doesn't tell me when to stop saying anything at all. Silence makes me nervous sometimes. Unless there are books around. Then I'm sound as a pound. Whatever that means.

I'm a 25-year-old female from the Southeast who enjoys candlelight dinners and romantic music, but not long walks on the beach. Sand totally sucks, ok? Trust me. The grit, the ick, and did you know that sand actually has fleas? Put it all together and it equals gross. Can't we just say "long walks around the lake" or "medium-lengthed strolls through a park of some sort"? Why's it always gotta be the beach? Anyway 9 out of 10 times I'd rather be at the movies or a bookstore anyway. I'm semi-obsessed with knowledge. I have a "healthy love of printed literature" (i.e. help, I'm being buried alive under many piles of mass market paperbacks). So, yeah, I'm a nerd. So's your mammy. OOOH. Tried.

A Few Basic Faves:

TV Show - "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
Band - Weezer
Singer - Sarah McLachlan
Movie - "Forrest Gump"
Book - Stephen King's The Stand
Kids' Book - Bunnicula by James Howe
Harry Potter Book (so far) - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Website(s) - Dictionary.com, imdb.com, yahoo.com
Food - Italian
Nitpick(s) - teeth, spelling and grammar
Marvel Superhero - Spider-man
DC Superhero - Who cares? DC sucks. (OOOH. Tried again!)
Videogame - Mario Kart for N64
Nintendo - Super
Buffy Character - Spike
Harry Potter Character - Severus Snape
Song - "Never is a Promise" by Fiona "When The Hell Is My Next CD Coming Out" Apple
Sunday Comic(s) - Calvin & Hobbs, The Far Side, Get Fuzzy
Quote (at this moment, right now) - "Wherever you go, there you are."

OK, a gal has to have some mystery to her. So enough with the sharing for now. We now return to today's regularly scheduled entry.

I felt the need to buy patio chairs at Target today. They were on sale! And I needed them... for my patio... and stuff. Well, when it gets cold again (in January 2006), I'll definitely be glad I have these chairs to sit in. And I will applaud my forethought and preparedness. My ancient, secret tribal abilities (i.e. Girl Scout skills) strike again.

Lately, I've been slipping into a really comfortable monotony. It's that stage right before "uncomfortable monotony" where you feel like your daily routine really suits you. When you can time everything to the minute and not (usually, most times) be late? Now if I could just finish setting up my house and unpacking, everything would rule all at once. But how often does that happen, really? That everything in the cosmos is working for you at the same time? Isn't that one of the 32 signs of an impending apocalypse? (See the complete list in a future post.)

Ugh. I'm waxing philosophic. Time for sleep. In a determined effort to avoid being royally pissed off at this thing my first time posting, I'm copying this post into an email until I'm sure it's actually posted. "Trust no one" and all that.

~The Divine Miss L.

(Missile? What? Where!?)

"Why are you so petrified of silence? Here, can ya handle this?

(insert 3 seconds of silence here)

Didja think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines, or when you think you're gonna die?

Or did you long for the next distraction?" ~Alanis, who ruled so hardcorely back in the day, but who sucks somethin' awful now.

(Wait, what? What does she suck that's so foul-tasting? No, no. It's just a saying!)