"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

On my way to work yesterday, I saw a stuffed Pooh bear on the 408 off ramp. His neck was sliced wide open, and he was obviously not having a great day. I got a little bit weepy thinking about the poor little girl or boy who had dropped him (I'm guessing accidentally out of the car window because I refuse to believe someone would kill Pooh on purpose).

And, yes, I was one of those creepy little girls who always swore her stuffed animals had feelings.

Bite me.

Anyway, it made me really sad, and today on my way in, I saw just his head. Pooh's head! Before, he was in the middle of the off ramp, and I wanted to move him to the side at least because I knew what would happen if he was hit repeatedly. Sure enough, only his head remained.

By the way, this is so not sadder than if it were a previously alive animal. I'm not making light of it. I actually can't even look at or think about a real animal in a similar situation. I try to detach myself from it as best I can. I can't detach from Pooh though...

I tried to start writing a story I've had in my head for a few weeks now. I couldn't fall asleep last night (or early this morning, however you wish to look at it), so I just started writing. I got to that inevitable part in the story where actual characters appear and I froze. I've just never mastered the whole dialogue thing. I would really like to take some workshops or be part of a writing group or something. I think it could help. I also have difficulties keeping my tenses and points of view all aligned. "But other than that I'm a great writer. Promise."

I guess I should just keep writing whatever comes to mind. I can't let this whole "don't know what I'm doing" thing get in the way. Would the Wright brothers have finished their plane thingee if they'd had that bad attitude? "I'm not perfect at this so I don't wanna do it nyah nyah boo boo." I don't think so.

~Lisa

(Beware, I'm posting without editing. Gasp!)

"I doubt, therefore I might be. "